The one.

Well, I've finally found the one for me. It's amazing how one guy can change your world and how one guy can change you so much. It's also amazing how you can fall in love with the same guy so many times. I always find myself falling in love with him every single time I see him. It's been 7 months since we've started dating but I still get butterflies, I still get sweaty palms, I still feel nervous and I still feel the need to make myself look good whenever I see him. It's like a girl meeting her date for the first time. 

2013 has been amazing year with him by my side; 2014 is going to be an even BETTER year. So many things I wanna do this year, with him by my side.

• Adventure Cove (which we are going on the 8th)
• Get past RESULTS DAY (in 2 wks) (don't know if i can make it) (praying i can)
• Have an awesome 18th birthday.
• Get past feb and get a job where we can work together.
• Thai food date
• Baja Fresh date
• Shopping date
• Random dates
• WATCH FROZEN while cuddling
• (inserts tons of things to do here)

Thank you Justin for coming into my life. Thank you for treating me like a princess and tolerating my never ending bitchy attitude. Thank you for everything that you have done for me. Thank you for always reminding me that you love me each and every single day. For always cooking for me, fetching me from work, waking up early just to talk to/ be with me. For constantly being there for me. I know I haven't been the best, but I will try to be. I love you b.

Happy 2014.

J's.

You want to know what i'm afraid of most? It's LOSING you. I've already lost you countless times, not this time please. It already took me so long to realize how much i actually love you. I cannot lose you. Because if i do, i would lose my smile, my laugh, my tears, my happiness, my bestfriend, my lover and my everything. You mean that much to me. I don't know what i'd ever do without you.
Thank you for standing by me, no matter rain or shine. Thank you for always lending me a helping hand and for never leaving me when everyone else did. Thank you for always believing in me and giving me chances after chances after chances. I feel like i owe you too much.
Sometimes, i ask myself, what if we never broke up in secondary 1? Would we be happy together now? 4 years. I'm glad i had a second chance to love you because loving you is the 2nd best thing that ever happened to me. Finding you was the 1st. I hope that one day, i'd get be called "yours" again. I love you baby. I love you more than i can ever imagine. Thank you for being ever so patient with me, for giving me the love i ever wanted, for spending a lot of time with me and for always being the reason why there's a smile on my face.
I'm sorry it took me this long to love you, i'm sorry it took me this long to realize. I'm sorry i hurt you.

I love you my king.

Affectionate, Clingy, Overly Attached

I hate how I'm too affectionate, clingy and overly attached. HATE HATE HATE. I absolutely hate it. You guys have no idea because I get really insecure when someone doesn't reply me. I think that they have someone better in their lives and they don't need me anymore. Then I start over thinking. I start thinking that I am not that special like how they say I am. I start thinking that I'm not good enough. Then, I try to change myself and I realize that I've changed into someone I don't even know. It sucks. You know.  

❁ I have a guy bestfriend. And he means the world to me. Honestly, I don't know how life would be if I didn't have him by my side. He's been there for me, ever since we met. Despite all that I've done to him, he stood by me. He never left me. Never. I probably hurt him 100 times but he still loved me and stayed. I neglected him, ignored him, pushed him away. He told me he didn't want to bother about me anymore because he felt like it was no point. But whenever I talked to him, he still replied me. He still talked to me. The process repeats, I ignore him then talk to him only when I feel like it. But he still stayed in my life. I've always had feelings for him. Always. But they were buried. I don't know how or why it struck me big time this year. It took me so many years to realize how much I actually love him. & that's what hurts me the most. Because at the point where I want him the most, he doesn't feel the same way anymore. I took him for granted. I want to turn back time so so so badly. But then again, it was the 4 years of heartbreaks (from other guys), our friendship and arguments that taught me so much. He was there for me throughout. He helped me get together with my ex-boyfriend of 18 months. He helped me through the many heartbreaks. He accompanied me in school when I had no friends. He talked to me when I was lonely. He helped me patch things up with so many of my friends. He never left me despite hearing the many rumors about me. Last of all, he loved me like no other man could. I took that love for granted. I want to prove to him that I love him. & I want to be with him. He isn't all that perfect. He get insecure & jealous easily (which I absolutely hate in a guy because TRUST). But all his flaws become perfection. I begin questioning myself, "why didn't he appear his handsome to me before????" But then, I realized, better late than never right? He's funny, he's cute, handsome, hot, sporty, loud, tall, talented.His jokes crack me up, his laugh is the cutest thing I've ever heard, his voice when he sings is really soothing, the way he plays soccer i just.... *melts*. He's my bestfriend, my smile, my love, my everything. And I cannot lose him. Fate has brought us together again despite the many arguments. I love him & I have absolutely so much things to do with him after O's. Please stay forever. Because I don't think I can ever love anyone like how I love you. ❁

True Meanings

"Having a guy bestfriend is lovely, until you begin falling for him"

So the three most played songs on my iPod now is currently
❁ Best Friend - Jason Chen
❁ They Don't Know About us - One direction
❁ The Call - Regina Spektor
Been listening to these three songs lately and some lines in the songs never fail to struck me every single time. 

Let's start with Bestfriend (gonna change the lyrics a lil' bit):
"Now i realise you were the only one, it's never too late to show it, grow old together, have feelings we had before, back when we were so innocent" 
"Through all the girls that came by, and all the nights that you cried. How could i tell you i loved you, when you were so happy, with some other girl?"
"I know it sounds crazy that you be my baby, boy you mean that much to me."
"And i don't wanna ruin what we have, love is so unpredictable. But it's the risk that i'm taking. Hoping, praying. You'd fall in love with your bestfriend (me)" 

They Don't Know About Us:
"They don't know about the things we do, they don't know i love you's. But i bet you if they only knew, they would just be jealous of us. They don't know about the up all nights. They don't know i've waited all my life. Just to find a love that feels this right. Baby they don't know about us." 
"They don't know how special you are. They don't know what you've done to my heart. They can say anything they want, cause they don't know about us"
"They don't know what we do best, that's between me and you, our little secret."

The Call:
"Now we're back to the beginning. It's just a feeling and no one knows yet. But just because they can't feel it too doesn't mean you have to forget. Let the memories grow stronger and stronger till they're before your eyes."

I've been loving my bestfriend for 5 years. I've been such a pussy to admit it. From the day we got together, day we broke up, times we've got together with one another..... I've always loved him. 1378 days of love and counting. I'll never let you go. Never ever gonna let you out of my sight, ever again. Trust me when i say i'll fight for you because i will. 

 ❁ TILL THEN ❁

.

The toilet's my favourite place to be at home. Why?

Because whenever i feel like breaking down, i take a shower.

In the showers, no one hears my cries.

No one sees the tears as the water washes it away.

The toilet has tissue papers ready for me.

It has the sink ready to let me wash my face.

The toilet's also a place where i become a superstar.

The moment i enter the toilet, i begin singing my lungs out.

And i don't care, because no one's there to judge me.

The toilet's also a place where everyone does their daily reflection.

I probably spend half the time in the shower just day dreaming about what i wanna do, who i wanna be, or what i'm gonna have for my next meal.

It's a place where i can pretend to be someone.

A place where i'm able to put all my thoughts into place.

So who said the toilet's only a place for us to do business?

Where's your favourite place to be at home?

IF

If loving you means having to be hurt, i'll accept it.
If loving means having to wait a thousand years, i'll wait.
If loving you means having to see you with another girl, i'll bear the pain.
If loving you means having to lose you, i'd wait for you to come running back.
If loving you means having to cry every single night, i''d cry.
If loving you means having to fight for you, i'd fight.

You're right. Things just didn't turn out the way i wanted it to be. Karma has hit me so bad. I was so happy when you came back to me last Sunday. When you apologised. When you realised how much you needed me in your life. When you told me you loved me. But promises are meant to be broken. What are words if you really don't mean them when you say them. I didn't know promises meant so little to you. You promised me time and time again you'd never let us drift apart. You still did. Yes, i hurt you for the past 4 years and it cannot be compared to me now. I chose so many other guys over you. I neglected you, pushed you away from my life. I chose to love others instead of you. Not realising that you're the one who was always there for me, the one who never left. You helped me get together w so many other guys. Yet, you never failed to be there for me whenever i suffer a heartache. But was i ever there for you? No. I miss our closeness. You were one of my bestest friends. & i miss you. I guess this is what i truly deserve.




Love you Justin.

Lego House

#nowplaying - Lego House 

I'm gonna pick up the pieces and build a lego house. If things go wrong, we can knock it down. My three words have two meanings and it's all for you. And it's dark on a cold December, but i've got you to keep me warm.

Edited a few posts because well, i want the memories to be completely erased and well.... yeah. It was a good start to actually getting my heart broken and realizing who's really there for me. I seriously thank God for whoever i have with me now.

The hobbits (Justin, Nicky, Leonard, Ameer, Zhikai, Natsy, Fox,), my girls (Gen, Erica, Lee), Rohit, Fang, Zeline and my godsissy. I'm really thankful for these bunch of people :')

Hey, i really dont know how to talk to you properly right now. I dont know how to look at you like how i used to. I dont know how to actually voice out to you and tell you how i feel anymore, all cause i'm afraid. Dude, i never wanted THESE to happen. Why. This question has been in my head for the past 3 days and i've been asking myself that question. "why after 5 years?" "why now?" "why you?" "why why why". SPARE ME FROM ALL THESE THOUGHTS, PLEASE. I'm sick and tired of feeling this way. I don't wanna feel this way. I wanna go back to how things were when we were the best of friends. Not extra feelings in my heart. What's that i feel in me? JEALOUSY. Yes. i cannot stand how she looks at you, how she sits right in front of us during recess. How she texts you. But silly me, what rights do i have to feel this way. You're not even mine to begin with. I keeps staring at our polaroid, asking myself why i even told you. Why i even let myself fall into  this piece of shit. But, not like i can control it. Dude, why. URGH. 

Till then x